indulgences

Posted on March 20, 2013 by

Gossip magazines and blogs with sensational headlines about stars that I like to pretend I know.

Chocolate pudding and oatmeal, not together, but I like them both… a lot.

Hair blogs and make-up tutorials, since I like to pretend that I will change something about my hair and makeup and not really ever buy the tools to make it happen in the way I’ve learned.

Lots of sleep. Is that an indulgence?

Good books, oh, and I like magazines that are hard to put down or throw away when I’m finished reading them.

Nice eyebrows, or getting my eyebrows done by a professional.

Nice shoes and musicals and show tunes that have that big Jazz feel to them.

STOP.

What are some of your indulgences?

Posted in Life | 2 Comments

little lady goes to a hardware store

Posted on March 6, 2013 by

I feel kind of bad that I haven’t written here in what feels like weeks. I don’t think I really have a legitimate excuse for not being able to come here and write for five minutes, daily. I do always have things to write about, and I sit down, uninterrupted, at least once a day. But usually, or lately, when I do get a chance to sit uninterrupted, I do nothing or I sleep. Or, I’ve been thinking much home improvement projects I’d like to make.

Yes, that’s what I’ve been doing. Oh, and I’ve been going to hardware stores to get things that I’ve never bought before, things like drywall anchors and power sanders and spray paint (which requires an ID these days) and nails. I’ve been a busy lady fixing my house, I guess. And since I’ve never done this before, I’ve taken to it like a fish whose…just jumped back into water…that he’s never been in? Uh. Never mind.

I’m not joking when I say that in the last few weeks I’ve been to the hardware store almost everyday, usually because I buy the wrong things and am too afraid to ask for help from those guys who line the aisles, those guys who often see me pushing a cart with two toddlers and think, “YES. If anyone needs help, it’s her!” And I do often need help. But I usually don’t let them know that. “Oh. I’m fine!” I often say through a smile that I hope doesn’t reveal that I’m really not fine, just insecure and overly conscious of looking like a “little lady” needing help in a hardware store.

But yesterday, a store attendant caught me off guard and instead of asking if I need help, asked what I was looking for. “Drywall studs,” I said, knowing that likely wasn’t the name of what I was looking for but said really fast to seem like this all, this whole going to the hardware store with children trying to escape from the cart is routine. He looked confused, then realized it was drywall anchors that I needed. “Yes, that’s it, or them!” I said. I bought them and left feeling like maybe I need to get rid of my inferiority complex and be okay with being a newbie at hardware stores. Yes. So next time, instead of saying “I’m fine.” I will ask for help. Yes!

STOP.

Do you frequent hardware stores and appear that you have it all together when you really don’t? Is this normal? Or, is it just me?

Posted in Life, womanhood | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

morning writing

Posted on February 27, 2013 by

I never write here in the morning and I’m not sure why. Wait. I do know why. I started once and then got so distracted with children waking and the impending need to actually start my day with something productive that I stopped writing here…in the morning.

But I think I may start again, or I need to start again because nights have now become hit or miss for me. There’s this thing I’ve been doing, perhaps you’ve heard of it…it’s called “sleep.” Yes. That’s what I’ve been doing every night at around 10 pm. I do no later because in my commitment to listening to my body, this is when my body says I need to go to sleep.

So, I do go to sleep then. Oh, and speaking of listening to your body. Once you start, you really can’t stop. Or, you can stop…but it’s hard. It’s hard to eat chocolate when your body is yelling at you to go to sleep. It’s hard to write on a blog when your body is yelling at you to stare at a wall because you’re exhausted and need silence and clear thoughts.

I did, at one time, for a long time, do all of the above things. I did ignore my body in order to get “important” things done. But then I realized. What can be more important than how you are feeling? So, right now, at this moment. I felt like writing and no one else is awake. So I decided to write. Hmm. And if I’m lucky, I will feel like this and my girls will sleep in past 6 am again tomorrow.

We’ll see.

STOP.

If you are a blogger, do you write in the morning or at night? What can explain your preference?

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

new home buyers

Posted on February 17, 2013 by

My husband and I purchased our first home a little over two years ago. We had been renting before then and prior to that, living with my parents. (We married young, as in 22 young).

So, we found our first home after looking at 67 houses. We said we knew what we were looking for in a home, but we really didn’t. We said we wanted a fixer-upper, but every time we walked in a home that had that “old” smell, we would go back on that idea.

Our realtor said we should get a home with lots of space. And we agreed, kind of. Like new parents, we thought we kind of knew better than her. Space- mace. Who needs space when you have a growing family? We knew better than that!

So the home we purchased is on the smaller side, but it looks new and didn’t have that “old” smell. And that’s why, or the latter part, is why we bought it.

We were so scientific-y in our decision. I know!

But now that we’ve been here for almost two years, we realize that maybe we should have listened to our realtor and all those home-buying shows, after all. Maybe we need more space. Maybe we did need that linen closet, after all. And, maybe, just maybe, we could use a two-car garage. Maybe.

STOP.

How did you prepare for your first home purchase? Did you regret some of your compromises or did you make no compromises at all?

Posted in Life | Tagged , | 10 Comments

facebook displays of affection

Posted on February 13, 2013 by

In case you don’t know, facebook displays of affection are public updates about things that you would have otherwise just shared with your spouse/love interest but decided instead that everyone else in your friend’s list should know about it, too. I don’t get these things. Or, I do get them and at one time in my life wanted them. I wanted my husband to be on Facebook so that we could share status updates telling the world about all the things that we’re doing that indicate that we “love” each other.

I brought it up to my husband years ago. He laughed, however, said it didn’t make any sense and would only reveal my own issues with needing public gratification. I didn’t say much then. I laughed, I think. Called him “outdated.”

But, years later, I can say he was right. I think it’s a certain kind of person, in a certain kind of marriage or relationship that thinks what they do in private necessitates “likes” and comments to know that it is good.

This is a true story so don’t laugh. I had a “friend” who would do these displays of affection on a daily basis. She would talk on facebook about the dinner she was preparing for her “baby” and say how much she “loved him.” In watching her, I always felt like crap because my husband is so old fashioned and boring that he only shares his declarations of love to me in person or by phone, maybe by a card. But online? Never. So, anyway, her updates continued for a year then stopped, suddenly. Of course, as I was a spectator to her marriage show, I wanted to know why. I learned why months later. She got a divorce! A divorce! Now this isn’t to say that all who proclaim their love on facebook to be headed towards “splitsville.” It just means that those updates you read are meaningless. So, now when I see them I don’t feel like “Oh, how lovely!” I think, why are you on facebook doing this? Can’t you just talk to your loved one and tell them yourself?

STOP.

What do you think about facebook displays of affection?

Posted in Marriage | Tagged , , | 8 Comments

the camel colored sofa set

Posted on February 8, 2013 by

I think bad design in a home starts with an odd piece that doesn’t work but that one holds on to out of a sense of obligation to its past life. Our odd piece was this sofa set, a brown, camel-like colored sofa set that we bought on sale at a local furniture discount store. It was what we thought we could afford. We would, we told ourselves, replace it when we had the  means, but until then it was good enough.

It was sofa set. Our ugly sofa set that we were forced to style our living room around. The golden drapes, the red turkish rug, the art work was all purchased to make that sofa work.

It was all okay until I looked around and realized I hated my living room. I had ignored it, convinced myself that feeling didn’t really matter, by cleaning it meticulously and focusing on what I could change. But there came this moment when I realized that beneath all of my efforts was a desire for something different.

So, I decided a month ago to get rid of the sofa and everything else. We started all over again with nothing and from nothing I could finally see what I really wanted for the room but couldn’t see with all the mass of bad decor choices. I wanted bold colors. I wanted blacks and whites and metallics. And that’s what I got.

I love my new room and from the experience I’ve learned.

Sometimes when our lives are cluttered with things that we’ve put in by compromise– relationships, clothes, foods– we never can get to the core of what we want, unapologetically. While compromise is a virtue, we should also remember to honor ourselves by holding dear and leading with what we  love instead of what we like enough to “live with.”

So, in closing. Buy well. And avoid camel shades of microfiber sofas.

STOP.

Is it just me, or did styling your home also help you have epiphanies about who you are? How did you decide on your decor?

Posted in inspiration & selfhood | Tagged | 8 Comments

Eat. Pray.Love

Posted on February 5, 2013 by

My sister gave me a copy of it for my birthday and I said I would read it soon. I was in graduate school then. It was my 24th birthday. The book was to be the start of me thinking more about how to live a more fulfilled life…at 24.

So, I started the book and stopped that year, blaming my inability on getting past Italy on all of my other school readings.

I started again the next year, again in Italy (the chapter), and again the next and the year after until finally I just rested it on the bookcase in my living room, convinced that it was “too slow” a book for me.

I saw the movie when it came out in 2010 and felt guilty, as I walked from the theatre, that as a new mom with a thirst for more literature, my book still sat on my bookcase.

So, I finished that book today. Finally. And I enjoyed it. It wasn’t too slow this time, but I think that I can attribute more of my sentiments on this to how much I’ve changed in six years! Six years! I have two children now and less time, but with age and more of an awareness that life doesn’t have to be rushed to be meaningful, I now can enjoy my books. I consume them like expensive, small desserts, bits at a time…and I savor.

So, I guess you can say this is a book review that’s six years overdue.

STOP.

Have you read Eat. Pray. Love? What did you think of it?

Posted in inspiration & selfhood, Life | Tagged , , , | 4 Comments

myth of multi-tasking

Posted on January 29, 2013 by

Back in my career days, I had one answer that I would give to the beloved interview question, “What is your best quality?” I think that was the question. My response was that I am “a good multitasker.” And if the interviewer wanted examples, I would cite past internships, jobs, and academic assignments in which I “successfully” managed to balance two, or usually three, things at a time.

I put the word “successfully” in quotation marks because any named “multitasker” who’s recovered from the plight of multitasking knows that there is no such things as really being a “successful” multitasker. I mean, managing to get things done and no one dying in the process could be success. But is it really?

I am no longer a multitasker. I no longer try to do more than one thing at a time because I think whatever I’m doing suffers. So, I try to focus on one thing at a time. I do get many things done in my day, but those things are done on their own time. I’m a unitasker. Is that a word?

STOP.

Are you a recovering multitasker? Confess below.

Posted in Life | Tagged , | 3 Comments

deconstructing things

Posted on January 28, 2013 by

You know, this blog really just began as an experiment.

At the time that I started it, I was blogging regularly at my other blog, my “serious” “this-may-lead-to-something-blog” and wanted to test myself to do something different. I wanted to write. I wanted to not care. I wanted to talk about more than just parenting.

So when I started this blog, that was my plan.

Until a month ago, I remembered this, or why I started writing here. But, you know, sometimes when things happen in your life, you forget such things. A month ago, or really ever since I quit my other blog, I forgot why this blog mattered. And in my desire to do away with that life I led online, that borderline obsessed, sleep-deprived life, I did away with this. Or, I didn’t do away with it, but I took it out of my daily routine to find new meaning in why it mattered.

I deconstructed it all and found that this blog does matter. And now I remember why I started here and that this place was the writing catalyst to me being a real writer. I remembered why writing here felt so right.

So, I am back. But let’s not get sentimental. Let’s just start where we left off…and go from there. Okay?

STOP.

Do you understand the words that came out in this post? lol. I hope so. I guess what I want to say is that this blog was neglected in my quest to find out why I did some things in my life. In being away, I figured out why it mattered. And I’m happy to be back…for good. :) I don’t say this…ever, but thank you to all who read this blog. It means a lot to me that you care to hear my fragmented thoughts on cereal eating and extreme couponing. I mean that in all sincerity. :)

Posted in Writing | Tagged , , | 4 Comments

When violence is senseless

Posted on December 14, 2012 by

This post is inspired by the recent random shootings that have been happening, almost, on a weekly basis here in the United States of America. When I heard about Oregon, I had finished a thought-provoking piece in The Atlantic on what to do about all the guns in America. The solution, the hypothetical solution, proposed  by the author, to the problem with the “insane” using guns is more guns. There should be more guns, but more people trained to use guns in our country. Or that was the most basic argument of the author.

But I think another solution is needed. I think there needs to be mental health support to those who are suffering in this country on a daily basis.

These shootings, I think they’re are poor cries for help to a society that doesn’t seem to be listening. The shooters kill others then themselves because they want to be remembered as dying out loud even if they do suffer in silence.

Everyday, I pass people in cars, in grocery stores, in libraries and I wonder how many of us need real help. It’s the holiday season here, and the themes of giving and sharing and togetherness are in full force. I wonder when I see the lights and garland how many work jobs that are killing them but that they keep at because they need their families to survive or feel “normal” on Christmas day. I once overheard a woman on a train say that she was tired. She was, she said, working overtime  on two jobs to “give” her children Christmas. That’s all she wanted, she said. She wanted to be normal. That’s all. Even if it killed her, that’s all she wanted.

I wonder this, and I wonder how many are in failed marriages or have been abused and enter the world broken from whence they come. I wonder how many have thought about suicide and gone to the mall instead.

I wonder this when I watch the news and my heart breaks. More can be done, I think. More can be done to help those who need it. More can be done to protect those who need , the innocent bystanders whose deaths should have been prevented. More can be done to change gun laws in this country. More can be done to make mental health a priority. More can be done.

STOP.

What are your thoughts on the recent mass shootings that seem to be happening weekly here in the states?

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